


I Quit Nature

by WeWillSpockYou



Series: Georgia On My Mind Special Chapters [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Frogs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 16:13:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1824523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WeWillSpockYou/pseuds/WeWillSpockYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Kirk-McCoy household is invaded by tiny frogs.</p><p>This is a special mid-week chapter of Georgia On My Mind. It is inspired by real events!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Quit Nature

Jim was playing outside with the kids and Seamus when the sky opened up in a deluge. He could never figure out how it could be sunny one minute and raining cats and dogs the next in Georgia, it had never rained like this in Iowa.  Seamus started barking and doing a happy dance in the rain with both kids joining him. Jim joined in too, what the hell, Bones could only kill him once and honestly, did people really catch colds from getting caught in the rain? Which reminded him, today would be a great day for Pina Coladas. He started humming the song under his breath.

“Okay, kids, in the house. You too Seamus, let’s go.” Jim rushed inside and started pulling off his wet clothes. “Strip monkeys.” He ordered when Joanna and Jake piled in the door after him. “Jake, make sure the door is shut, okay buddy?”

“I’m naked!” Jake whooped as he ran for the stairs.

The thought crossed Jim’s mind that he should have checked the sliding glass door.

 

Once Jim was wearing dry clothes he put both kids into a quick shower to warm them up again. He thought he could hear Seamus barking over the sound of the running water. “Guys, do you hear Seamus barking?”

“Nope!” Jake yelled.

Jim shut off the water and not only did he hear the dog barking but could also hear his toenails clicking against the tiled kitchen floor as if he were moving quickly. “Seamus.” Jim yelled. It wasn’t like the docile, yet enormous dog to bark in the house. “Must be the storm,” Jim muttered to himself.

Jake was pulling on a dry Spiderman tee when there was a loud crash in the kitchen followed by Seamus barking again. Jim thought it sounded like one of the chairs from the kitchen table hitting the floor. “What the hell is going on?” Jim asked, as both kids ran to the stairs ahead of him.

Jim was still several steps behind when he heard Joanna yell, “Froggies!”

 _Froggies?_ Jim wondered what she was talking about until he rounded the corner and walked into the kitchen. The kitchen floor was covered in dime size frogs, well Spring Peepers to be exact. Jim remembered lying in bed as a small boy and listening to the chorus of singing frogs as he fell to sleep at night.  Those memories did nothing to prepare Jim for the current situation.

“I’m gonna kiss them all until I find the one that turns into my Prince Charming.” Joanna announced as she started to chase the tiny frogs around the kitchen.

“No kissing, Joanna.” Jim yelled as he ran for the sliding glass door that Jake obviously had not closed all the way. What had he said earlier about Bones only being able to kill him once? He was going to lose his peach bred mind when he saw his beautiful kitchen covered in frogs, which continued to pour into the kitchen through the open sliding glass door.

Jake was hopping around the kitchen floor mimicking the frogs’ actions as well as the peeping song they sang. Joanna was still trying to catch the tiny frogs in her hands, no doubt hoping to sneak in a covert, prince revealing smooch or two. Seamus, however, was the problem. He was acting like a one dog cleaning crew, licking out his tongue and curling the small frogs into his mouth.

Jim had seen a wildlife documentary once about mama crocodiles holding their newly hatched babies in their mouths. However, seeing tiny frog arms and legs hanging from Seamus mouth and watching his massive jaws chewing, Jim had to guess Seamus had not seen the same Discovery Channel program. “Fuck.” Jim yelled and ran toward Seamus. Who knew if the tiny frogs were poisonous to dogs?

“Bad word.” Jake yelled.

“Swear jar!” Joanna called.

Seamus meanwhile, was slurping his tongue against the floor scooping up the tiny amphibians by the mouthful. He saw Jim coming and bolted in the other direction. _OH THE HUMANITY_ , Jim thought to himself and began to giggle.

“Seamus, god dammit.” Jim changed direction at the last minute and almost got his fingers under the dog’s collar before Seamus, surprising agile for a dog his size, darted away. Jim’s hand slipped off the dog’s wiry fur as he moved past.

“Drop it, Seamus.” Jim commanded. “Drop it.” His voice was stern and unbending. Seamus continued to wolf down the frogs at an alarming rate. Jim swore he could hear their tiny bones crunching as Seamus continued to chew.

It was then Joanna realized what Seamus was doing to her precious frogs. “Seamus! Bad dog, you’re eating my princes.” She wailed.

Seamus stopped momentarily and loped over to the distressed kindergartener. He licked up the side of her face with his raspy tongue. Jo giggled in response until she felt something on the side of her face. She plucked off a frog leg and started to scream. Seamus just tilted his head at her.

Thankfully Joanna’s wails gave Jim the advantage and he was able to grab on to Seamus’ collar. Jim started to tug him in the direction of the bathroom, which wasn’t easy. Seamus did not want to leave the distressed child’s side, unaware as he was that _he_ was the cause of her distress.  Jim managed to pull all one hundred twenty pounds of growling Irish Wolfhound away from Joanna, just as he saw Jake holding up a tiny frog by its legs, dangling it above his mouth. _Fuck.My.Life._ “Jake, drop the frog, buddy.”

“Seamus eats ‘em, I will too.” Jake stomped his foot in a perfect imitation of Bones.

“Yeah and Seamus poops in the back yard Jakey, you gonna do that too?” Jim deadpanned.

“I can poop in the yard, Daddy? YIIIIPPPEEEE!” Jake resumed dangling the frog over his upturned and open mouth.

“Jacob James Kirk, do NOT make me tell you again, put down the frog.” Jim was struggling against Seamus who had turned the tide and was now pulling him back toward a still wailing Joanna.

Jake let the frog drop toward his mouth. To Jim it felt like this was all happening in slow motion. He released his hold on Seamus who bounded back toward the still screaming Joanna. Jim made a beeline for Jake, who thankfully, had missed his open mouth with the small amphibian. He scooped Jake up into his arms and stood him on the kitchen table.

Seamus was still trying to comfort Joanna, which wasn’t going well, as he had a couple of stray frog legs poking out of his mouth. Jim grabbed Joanna and stood her on the table as well. Jim contemplated joining them when he saw Seamus eating the frogs once again. “It’s not like we don’t feed you, Seamus.” Jim muttered as he made another grab for Seamus’ collar. He was more successful the second time around, managing to drag the dog to the downstairs bathroom and shutting him inside. Seamus immediately began to bark, being out of sight of his tiny humans.

Jim walked back into the kitchen to survey the damage. There will still small frogs everywhere, littering the floor, some were stuck to the walls and others were on the glass door, freedom so close within their sight. How the fuck was Jim going to round up these tiny animals and get them back outside? Worse, how the fuck was Jim going to do it BEFORE Bones got home from the hospital? Jim felt something move against his left leg, looking down he saw several small and possibly terrified frogs clinging to his leg. Jim yelped and started batting at the frogs, twisting and spinning around as he slapped at his own skin. He stopped cold when he heard an unmistakable crunch under his flip flop. He lifted up one foot to see the twisted remains of the small frog he had stepped on.

“That’s it!” Jim declared. “I’m one hundred percent done with this shi- stuff.” He corrected, scrambling up on the kitchen table with the kids. He dug into his back pocket for his phone and called Bones.

“Hey handsome.” Bones drawled.

“I stepped on a peeper.”

“What now?”

“I stepped on a peeper. I heard its bones crunch, Bones.”

It dawned on Bones at that moment that it sounded like Jim was calling from a war zone. He could hear Seamus barking, Joanna crying and Jake yelling. Jim sounded shell-shocked. “Jim what in hell is goin’ on?”

“Peepers, Bones.” Jim said as if that would explain everything.

“FROGGIES!” Joanna was wailing.

It dawned on Bones what Jim was talking about. “Oh you mean those tiny frogs, Jim? They hatch about this time of year and get into everything. Don’t worry though, they don’t eat much.” Bones giggled.

“In the house, Bones.” Jim said, sounding world-wearied.

“Just scoop it up in your hands and let it go outside, Jim. That’s just an old wives tale about getting warts from touching them.”

“They travel in packs.” Jim shuddered, the kids were still yelling and Seamus was now howling.

“What’s going on, Jim?”

 “They’re all over the house Bones. Seamus is eating them, Joanna is trying to kiss them and Jake wants to poop in the yard.”

Bones started to laugh. He couldn’t help himself. “Didn’t God curse Egypt with a plague of frogs, Jim?”

“Can you come home please?” Jim shut his eyes against the massive headache blooming behind his right eye.

“On my way, Jim.” Bones hung up on a giggle.

 

Fifteen minutes later, Bones crashed through the front door. “Jim?” Seamus started barking again.

“In here.” Jim called from the kitchen.

Bones walked into the kitchen, which looked like a scene of a crime. Two of the kitchen chairs were upended, there were tiny frogs and tiny frog corpses littering the kitchen floor and sitting on top of the kitchen table, clinging to each other was his family. Jim was sitting cross-legged with both kids in his lap. Jake was sound asleep and Joanna was hiccupping the way she did after she had been crying.

“What in the name of General Lee’s ghost happened here?” Bones asked, awestruck.

Jim huffed out a hysterical giggle. “Well, Bones it’s like this. We were all playing outside, when the skies opened up and it started to rain so hard I wondered if I should start to build an ark.” Jim giggled again. “Seamus and the kids started to dance in the rain and I figured ‘fuck it’ Bones can only kill me once and I started to dance in the rain too. We should make Pina Coladas, Bones. Anywho, I got the kids and the dog back in the house and made everyone strip in the kitchen so we wouldn’t track water all through the house and I asked Jake to make sure the door was shut. I remember thinking I should have checked it and the next thing I knew Seamus was barking and things were crashing. He was eating frogs, Joanna was looking for her Prince Charming, Jake wanted to eat the frogs like Seamus and they were crawling on my legs. Then I stepped on one.” Jim motioned weakly to the squashed corpse a few feet from Bones and swallowed hard, trying not to gag, again.  He looked up at Bones, defeat etched into his blue eyes.

“Jimmy.” Bones managed before bursting into a fit of giggles. He walked to the table and hauled a sleeping Jake out of Jim’s arms and held his other arm out to Joanna who clung to his neck. “Stay here, Jim.” Bones headed up the stairs with both kids.

He came back a moment later and scooped Jim up into his arms. Jim laid his head on Bones’ shoulder. “Are they poisonous to Seamus, Bones?” Jim sounded exhausted.

“No, baby, he’ll be just fine.”

Jim noticed the tiny frogs were following behind Bones and he walked out of the kitchen, it struck Jim they saw Bones as a Peeper Pied Piper. “I quit nature, Bones.” Jim said as he snuggled into the hollow of Bones’ neck.

Bones set Jim back on his feet in their large bathroom where steaming water was pouring into the bathtub. “Hop in the tub, Jim. You’ll feel better soon.”

“Hop in, Bones? Oh I get it, frog jokes.” Jim frowned as he started taking his clothes off. Bones thought he heard Jim mumble something about a ‘fucking comedian’ on his way out the door.

 

Later that night Jim and Bones lay snuggled together in bed. “PEEP, PEEP.” Bones was doing a spot on imitation of their amphibian house guests.

“Not funny, Bones.” Jim groaned.

Bones buried his nose in Jim’s neck. “PEEP, PEEP.” He climbed on top of Jim and started tickling his belly.

“HAHAHAHA, Bones stop.”

“Gonna love you til I croak, Jim.” Bones dissolved into laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by ReadItHoney’s experience with a plague of peepers this week. The title of this story is a direct quote from ReadItHoney herself. You see, ReadItHoney’s boss was an awful human being this week and she paid a horrible price…Moral of the story people, be nice to each other, otherwise you may be visited by a plague of frogs too! 
> 
> Thank you so much Honey for being a constant source of inspiration! 
> 
> In case you’re interested, this is what the Spring Peeper looks like and sounds like! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spring_peeper


End file.
